Yes, I am

I am going to start a new blog...and it shall be named Cooking in my Crocs...ha ha ha!

We have hardwood floors and my feet hurt from standing on them and the floors so yesterday, My darling bought me a pair of Crocs! I can tell the difference!

Just look at my fat, swollen and tired feet in my Crocs with the cutesy little jewels...awwww!!!

What does one do

When they feel as if their world has suddenly been turned upside down? When all that they believe is right or good has been shattered? Duh...they cook!



I've long been a fan of eating - thus my impeccable plus size body (hee hee) so my darling partner has encouraged me to cook for therapy. I am a member of a monthly cooking meeting and I spend a few days of the month whipping up delights, coming up with ideas and trying out recipes.



I am not a good baker - I simply do not have the patience - I pace the floor, I turn on the television, a CD, a record, make a phone call, start laundry or zone out and before I know..ruined pastries.

My weekends are usually a blur...I am running but this weekend - I just felt like being...I baked chicken potpies and lasagna. I was exhausted and my legs hurt (we have the most marvelous hardwood floors in our home) and my wonderful partner went out in order to stock up on birdseed and bought me my first pair of crocs (pics coming) - I felt awkward at first but they make a difference.

She's the sweetest partner anyone could ask for...

What is Truth?

Seems like a trick question, hunh? I am sure we all have individual truths that we use from time to time but what is really truth.

Webster says the following when asked for a definition of truth

Conformity to fact or actuality

A statement proven to be or accepted as true

Sincerity; integrity

Fidelity to an original or standard.

These may be definitions of truth but what does it really mean to you. Take a few moments before reading any further to figure out what it means to you. This is irrelevant to what I perceive truth to be - I am asking you for deep down, soul searching truth.
I have come to the conclusion that I cannot be truthful to another if I cannot be truthful to myself. Truthfully, I have a difficult time being true to myself. I cannot blame anyone for my lack of integrity or realization that I am "okay" just the way I am.
I am coming to realize that truth and joy go hand in hand.

I am in a miserable state right now. Similar to what Carlton Pearson speaks of - simply put, I am in hell at this present stage of my life. A series of life events that really put me in turmoil began over seven months ago.

It seems that the old adage, when it rains it pours, began to take form in my otherwise lovely and peaceful life. I have a new home and a wonderful partner and a kid at a prestigious university...or at least I did. Life can be very tricky – we can allow it to trick us into thinking that our new home, our fabulous lifestyles, clothes, cars and all that we fill it with define us. I admit that I never allowed it to define me but I did allow it to buffer me from the ills of the remainder of the world. The buffer ran out on July 28, 2007.

life as we know it

Sometimes our life path takes an unexpected twist or turn. It is our willingness to accept where we are, what we have at any given moment and transform it that determines whether we create a blessing or a curse for ourselves.

I have been inspired to examine what really matters in my own life. I struggle to find purpose, expression... waiting for something "out there" to liberate me from my own confines. No matter what the reality of our outer world looks or feels like, it is the limitless inner resources we can draw from to sustain and nourish us.

An essential part of our spiritual journey is developing the capacity to remain in an undistrubred state no matter what happens to us.

Flower Duet

I've been diligently working on my health. Walking, stretching, moving - practicing what I preach and not being a slug, staying away from the Internet. Admittedly, partner and I are Internet freaks, often idling away precious time on this forum that we could be using elsewhere.



As I listen to Leo Delibes, Flower Duet, I am transported to life before this electronic medium. What on earth did we do for fun? Watch stop lights turn? Watch them hose off fruit at the local supermarket? I am not sure how time was spent but I know how it will be spent going forward.



I am under the loving care of a life coach. And I mean loving care. I am an anomoly without a doubt. In this society of detachment - I am attachment embodied.

Food Heaven

Rest for the weary

I remember years ago, my Father saying "there is no rest for the weary" and I used to laugh when I heard. Now at 42, I understand.

I reside somewhere between overachiever and underachiever but am closer to over achiever. I am considered by some a dynamo but revelation has since told me that I care more about others than myself. In basic laymen's terms, I do too much. This has caused me quite a bit of unrest in my life. I am often tired, stressed out and an emotional wreck.

Today I did something I detest. I saw a doctor. My knee has been bothering me for a month and I could not take it any longer. I've done my routine of herbs, stretches, yoga, massage, walking, etc. and no real relief. I hobbled into to see the doc. She massaged, stretched, pulled and yanked my left leg until I felt worse. She briefly touched on Bakers Cyst and arthritis. I explained to her that his was a muscle ache not a bone ache and I surely thought arthritis was bone related. A prescription of muscle relaxants later and I am on the road.

I got in and read what this miracle in a jar could do and said no way am I taking this. I checked online and checked in with my partner and decided that after a nap (I was up way early) I would order Chinese and take the pill.

I settled in as best I could with my knee. Somewhere along the way, I drifted to sleep and this is where it got good.

I was younger and living at home but I still had my daughter, who was still in college, as she is now, when two boys that were working in our yard stole my car (same car I have now). They drove it out of the garage without opening the garage door, backed into the street and pulled off as I was screaming for them to get out and for someone to follow them. I stormed in the house to find my Mother sitting at the table asking me what is wrong. I am frantic and I say that my car has been stolen and I need the phone to call the police. She hands me the phone, my Father comes home with a colleague and I am whining about not even knowing my tag number. My Mother bemoans that my daughter came home this weekend and drove our cars. My Father begs that I take care of the stolen car issue later and when asking about my tag number my Mother hands me a bank statement. I am on the phone with the police department, have been shuffled from one extension to another and finally in disgust, I get someone and tell them I've been on hold and shuffled from one place to another for 30 minutes. Now I get fuzzy, part me thinks I went into the kitchen to fix a little girl a sandwich and I was so distraught a man, looked like Keith Urban came in and was holding me, as I made the sandwich for the demanding little girlbut it didn't seem to bother me. My Mother and the little girl came in and I pulled away from Keith and handed her the sandwich. The little girl looked at me and told me that she didn't like it so I pulled off lettuce and capers and presented the sandwich to her - pepperoni and cheese- a few slices of pepperoni were hanging off and this annoyed her so I pulled them off and popped them in my mouth and jokingly said "I hope this is to your liking, Princess" and we both giggled.

Flashback to me going upstairs to my room. I walked up the stairs and wondered if my room was on that floor or the upper floor. I figured I was the youngest so the room on this floor must have been mine. I stepped in and I remember in the dream saying I wish I could get a picture of this. It was Victorian and I have such a passion for that, in Khaki and crisp white. It was long and huge with a marvelous view out of both windows. One was a tree line street and the other was a spectacular pool. After still being on hold and no resolve, I hung up in frustration and decided to relax, clear my mind and call back.

I've traveled astrally for years and as of late (past couple of years I hate it) but this was a blast. I began to fly around that room and it was really lifting, refreshing and joyful. The floor became water and I took a dive, diving deep and breathing in the water through my nose and my mouth as I swirled and darted. I rose and flew a bit more than landed on the room floor filled with water to find that the water was ankle deep and I was refreshed.

I woke up...wondering, thinking, deciding....the answers come and yes, there is rest for the weary.

Namaste.

Let's get this party, I mean blog started

Good morning! I thought I would start my blog off with a new face and a new thought.

I love to blog. I will blog about any and everything. I blog on almost every site I am a member of and I blog vividly. I am now taking my train of thought and blogging here from now on.

Before I get started....meet me! Try me on for size. If you like, come back, if not blessings!

I live in a quiet and beautiful suburb of Atlanta (OTP for those of you familiar with Atlanta). I live with my partner of seven years, our daughter's neurotic cat, a ton of kitchen appliances and fish. I am pretty much wysiwyg (wissy wig) - what you see is what you get. I've been misunderstood by some, embraced by other, turned on and everything in between.

I am educated (fingers crossed for law school acceptance), queer (not that this matters nor do I broadcast it - and part of my blog today will deal with that), plus sized, gorgeous, a jazz lover, an opera lover, a ballet lover, a lover of all that is beautiful - from nature to creation, a Mother, a Sister, a friend and a lover.

Practically every morning I read my life coach's blog and this morning he talked about...faces or that which we portray to the outer world. It was also a topic in one my morning meditation books so I decided to addresss it.

I have a 19 year old biological daughter in college. Getting her to college was quite the challenge. She's a brilliant child - no doubt. Creative, walking to her own drum, articulate, a hard worker (when it is something she wants to do - but hey...we all have some of that in us), talented, musically inclined and published (to name a few). Somewhere along her path, she perceived that conforming meant selling out. Now, how does this translate to faces - she has a set of friends and I guess for her to fit in, she felt she must put on the less than intelligent face, the I'm not priviledged face, the schools not for me face, and whatever others she felt necessary. She wears a face when I talk to her of sometimes not wanting to be where she is. I wear a mask when I talk to her - like I don't miss her as much as I really do.

Young adulthood transitioning is difficult for all - they are clawing to get out, the parent is clawing to keep them in. Where and how do you find balance. For some of you, such as myself, you may never find it. I've learned to step back, breath, center and then proceed. My mind wants to know every detail of her life, where are you? Aren't you supposd to be in class? Did you do your assignment? etc. but my reality is that she is an adult - she is in charge of her life and as I explain to her....always know the consequences of your actions. I am not sure she is ready to accept the consequencs of her action however, all I can do is advise and lead.

Back to the masks that we all wear. My partner is attending a retreat and this is new for us. We rarely spend time away from each other - it's new, it's uncomfortable and we miss each other. In her absence last night, I began a thorough clean. I decided a few days ago, when I knew this retreat was impending, to make some changes. Throw out this, give away that, move this, cook this, use this, etc. Isn't it funny how we hide ourselves behind the mask of others? So we not only have to deal with our mask but the shared mask from others. I wear the mask of our daily routine until the routine is thrown out of balance and in this new space, we are unmasked so we begin to do the very thing we should have been doing all along.

More to come...